You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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