and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
