woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
