yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize