Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
