laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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