last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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