"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
