tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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