Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
