I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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