Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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