Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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