Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
