a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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