Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
