I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
