how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
