I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
