So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
