Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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