I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize