i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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