I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
