I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
