dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize