Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
