I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize