He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
