Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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