I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize