I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
