dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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