just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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