i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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