You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
