I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
