shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
