so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
