I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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