Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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