Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
