a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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