Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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