A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
