Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
