Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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