Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize