I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
