his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
