Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
