stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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