Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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