you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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