He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
