I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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