just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
