just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
