Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
