I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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