I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
