Don't make out with my wife yet
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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