i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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