The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
