i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
