I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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