If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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