It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
