She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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