how can u be prego again
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
