she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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