i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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