theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
