My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
