he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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