hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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