Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize