We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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