so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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