she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
