i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
