I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
