I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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