I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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