We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
