where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
