I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
